Changing our reflection

When you look into a mirror, you see the reality of what you are in that very moment. Pessimists will resign themselves to that view. Others will be aware of the opportunities for change, whether it be our facial expression, our hairstyle, or our hair color. Our physical appearance can be changed to show us a different or better version of ourselves.

We have this same ability with our spiritual selves. The universe acts as our mirror to reflect back our very own energy. Our thoughts and our words reverberate out into the universe and that echo comes back to us and magnetizes related energy. I used to believe that my thoughts and words were completely my own and only mattered between me and God. I never had the awareness that God was threaded into everything that creates the universe. How we resonate with that is completely up to us. I have far from mastered my awareness and control of my communication to the world, but it is a conscious effort more now than it has ever been. I am more focused now on the positive. Even the smallest circumstances that create happiness and gratitude are worth celebrating. This is never more true than when we are going through difficult times. It's easy to get swallowed up in pain. We sometimes concede to a sad and darkened reflection. As difficult as it may be, we have to find and celebrate even the tiniest moments that can make us feel some bit of love or hope. Once you see one, I promise you'll see another and then another. The universe will reward you with more of the same. Changing what we reflect can change everything.

Walking with my wound

At work they used to promote the thought of failing fast. Recognize what isn't working and move on quickly to find something that does. Although it was easy to apply at work, I have never been able to apply it in my personal life. I have held on to relationships and situations far beyond reason. Most of the time out of pure determination to make something work that I thought should or needed to because of how I felt. In most situations, I knew whatever issues were occurring were not really about me. I watched others express their wounds. I joined them in theirs. All the while, completely ignoring my own.

Through human design, I've learned that my wound in this life is the high degree of self sacrifice that I continually wrap myself in. Looking back now, I realize the circumstances that taught me I was not a priority. I was taught that self sacrifice is noble. Perhaps even an obligation of love. There was always something more important than me. I learned to stay small and I learned to focus my attention elsewhere continually.

To learn that this is what I came into this world to conquer is a tough reality. Changing my whole awareness and response wiring is a daunting task when I have so much chaos surrounding me every day.

I feel like a toddler learning to walk. I stumble, I fall, I get back up. Each time I get back up, maybe I can take another step. It is progress. Slow progress. Progress nonetheless. My path is clear. This wound is with me, walking beside me. It's waiting for me to fail or overcome.

Turning 50 turned the tables

I wouldn't call it a mid-life crisis, but when I turned 50 I had some deep realizations. When I looked back at my adult life, I felt like I had not progressed at all. I saw that I lived in a perpetual cycle of overcoming stress and adversity. People changed. Circumstances changed. The story remained the same.

It made me sad. It made me angry at myself. Most of all, it made me start searching for answers. Why didn't I ever feel like I could rest or be at peace? Why was I constantly jumping from one fire to the other? Why did I feel the need to give away all my energy to rescue other people who didn't really give a damn how I was feeling? Why did I feel so alone? What did I do in a prior life to deserve this type of karma?

The overwhelming feeling that the more life passed by, the less joy I had was a gut punch to my soul. I knew I had to start devoting some of my energy to making my life better before all my opportunities were gone.

I started researching healthy living tips on social media and throughout the web. I starting gathering information. I started experimenting while still traversing the ups and downs of my life. One of the biggest game changers for me was meeting Jeannie Winters who introduced me to Human Design. This practice gave me the insights into my own psyche so that I could capitalize on my strengths and proactively combat roadblocks and learned bad behaviors that are preventing me from moving forward in my life and spiritual journey.

As a collective, we have a great opportunity to help each other. This blog is my effort to share my experiences and growth. Also, to demonstrate that there is always hope.